Hamptons Chatter

JANUARY IS THE CRUELEST MONTH!

January 22, 2019January 22, 2019

T.S. Eliot once said, “April is the cruelest month.” Well, let me just say anyone who was willing to write the lyrics for that awful Andrew Lloyd Webber musical gets no respect from me! The Hamptons in January is truly the cruelest month! Case I point, today I went to a home inspection and there was no heat. The homeowner had winterized the property and it was a 20 degrees INSIDE! Yeah, Hamptons real estate is so glamorous! My feet are still numb, but I guess it’s better than working in a coal mine or being a food critic in Des Moines.

Anyway, all things considered the Hamptons are not a bad place to be even when it’s 5 degrees outside. So, here they are in no particular order a few fun INDOOR things to do when the forecast has more negatives than a yelp review for a Cracker Barrel restaurant.

The Montauk Salt Cave – Imagine sitting comfortably in a nice heated room as you breath in Himalayan salt infused air. It’s like going to the beach but without a village parking sticker. According to the company website, the cave helps revitalizes ones respiratory tract with lungs and nasal passages cleared from pollens, inflammations and other pollutants. This is particularly handy if you’ve recently been spending anytime on Main St. Amagansett. The cave has various scheduled sessions that included everything from guided mediations to reiki healing. Locals secret: Take a look on Groupon where the session are often offered at a steep discount. For more information click HERE.

The Fieldhouse East Hampton – If you haven’t gone yet you should. Located on Daniels Hole Rd. in E. Hampton, this entertainment center has something for everyone. There’s an arcade for the kids, bowling for the families, bocci balland corn hole for the millennials and a bar/restaurant with full a menu for people like me. They also have a mini golf course but I don’t think that’s in the cards when it’s this cold. Long needed on the east end, the Fieldhouse is perfect for everyone. It’s especially great for parents who want to ignore their children with a cocktail as the little ones play games, win points and hopefully buy a prize. If you want more information check out the website HERE. Local secret: Check out their Facebook page for special events and discounts.

The Spa at Gurney’s – Book a massage or treatment at the Seawater Spa then for a small facilities fee of $30 take a dip in the salt water pool, sweat in the sauna or sweat it out in the Swedish steam room. The best part of the deal is actually swimming in the pool while overlooking the sand and surf through the expansive wall of glass doors. Follow it up with a glass of wine and lunch at Tillie’s café. Although last time I was there I got in trouble for trying to eat my tuna salad sandwich in the pool, so I don’t advise. For more information you can click HERE. Local secret: Memberships are available for access to the fitness club and spa areas.

The Parish Art Museum – It’s indoors. It has art. I never took an art history class so it’s pointless for me to elaborate. There are no dogs playing poker, toreadors on velvet or cats hanging onto bars so I’m lost. I will say people seem to enjoy it and find it EDUCATIONAL. For the latest exhibitions and hours click HERE.

So, there you go! I know! You’re welcome! You don’t have to sit on the sofa binge watching Netflix the entire month. There are actually things you can do INDOORS that are a little out of the normal routine. Now, excuse me while I book my flight on Southwest.

Happy Holidays! On Damark’s… get set… go!

December 19, 2018December 19, 2018

Woah! It’s been a few months since I sat down and pounded away the word salad known as Hamptons Chatter. Tons going on and I haven’t been there for you. Maybe, I’m just feeling vulnerable since the media has been under such scrutiny lately. I mean the last thing in the world I need is to come under attack via an early morning tweet! Yes, I’ve heard this blog is one of the favorites of you know who!

Anyway, in the time it took me to write a new piece, Damark’s Deli has been looking primed for business since mid-summer. But alas every morning after your coffee, reading the NY Times followed by Dan’s Behind The Hedges you came to Hamptons Chatter only to be disappointed that it’s still the same old post. I know! You paused, and said to your self, “self at least Damark’s deli is opening soon!” But you were disappointed in that too! Well you can finally call the doctor and reduce your meds, I’m back and Damark’s Deli is finally reopened!!! So how is it? Meh. It’s a supermarket. They sell food. They have coffee too. Oh, something that is new… they now have brick oven pizza. It’s no Citarealla but on the upside it’s no Stop and Shop! I will say it’s bright, spacious, clean and probably a big plus for anyone in Springs. (notice I didn’t call it “The Springs). Hours and information are available on their website and in case you were wondering they’ve been around since 1949. The same year that Hamptons Chatter started!

Speaking of food or actually not speaking of food… speaking of booze… the Golden Pear in Bridgehampton now has beer and wine! Prices are pretty much on par with every one else in the Hamptons and the selection is actually pretty good. Although I was a tad disappointed they didn’t offer any Domaine Leflaive Chevalier Montrachet Grand Cru by the glass it’s pretty awesome that you can now sit down with some beer or vino and eat the best mac and cheese on the east end (seriously).

Finally, I’m making a promise to not leave all of you sad and depressed. I’m promise I’ll be a better blogger from now on! By the way… I’m having trouble posting photos. WTF WordPress!?

SUPER EXPENSIVE SAGAPONACK SPREAD… AND THE BEST BIG $PENDERS!

August 17, 2018August 17, 2018

What would you pay for 2 acres south of the highway in Sagaponack? Yes, it has lush vegetation and is located in one of the most expensive zip codes in the country. Before you answer, just know it also has a large building envelope and includes an historic barn that was built in the 1890’s. Oh, it’s also super close to the Sag General store too. Well rather than make you guess I’ll let you read the ad from Zillow. Call me crazy but I think this might be a little aggressive. Look for price reductions soon. No it’s not my listing… it’s a for sale by owner. By the way, if you need to click the financing options button you probably can’t afford it.

Screen Shot 2018-08-17 at 7.52.01 AM.png — Zillow.com – hopefully they’re negotiable

Yep, it’s the height of the summer season right now here in the Hamptons. It’s a time for hot hazy days, warm ocean surf and a slew of stars. But not the kind in the sky, the kind that have twitter accounts and get better service at restaurants than you or I. Speaking of which; I’ve been asking some of my friends from the biz (yes, most are bartenders– stop it!) who are some of their favorite famous clientele? Here are a few names that were thrown out. All are noted for being friendly, courteous and above all good tippers.

Paul McCartney – He’s “awesome” said one person and very generous.

23rd Annual Simply Shakespeare — They love him, yeah yeah.

Hugh Jackman – He and his wife are super appreciative and friendly according to my sources.

Jimmy Fallon – He and his wife always introduce themselves (seriously) to staff and are friendly and outgoing. Occasionally likes to prank with the staff.

Alec Baldwin – He’s a local and frequent visitor about town, restaurant staff members all remark he’s a “good guy.” They also point out his wife Hilaria is a super sweet.

Howard Stern – Sits in the back of restaurants as to not attract attention, quiet and really nice to everyone from the front to the back of the house. He’s also a very very generous tipper.

Gwyneth Paltrow – Yep, she’s goop and spends tons of money on things that most of us can’t even contemplate (check goop.com) but she’s friendly and shares the wealth with the help. To quote one source, “she doesn’t make a fuss when she comes in.”

Jessica Biel – One story involves some rowdy fans approaching her and her husband (who is apparently also famous) in the middle of dinner. She smiled, posed for selfies and left a nice tip at the end of the meal. Here’s hoping the Timberlake’s buy out here soon. I’m happy to help.

Countess Luann de Lesseps – I don’t watch the housewives… never have… probably never will.. but the buzz around town especially in Sag Harbor is that this lady is just that.

There are a few names I could have put on this list that most waiters and waitresses avoid like the plague. But I’m trying to stay positive, but if you see me in person feel free to ask.

ANSWERING SAG’S KNEAD FOR DOUGH… AND IT’S THE ____ OF THE HAMPTONS.

August 3, 2018August 3, 2018

I hope it doesn’t sound too too cheesy, but I’ve been working on some snappy lines about the newest restaurant to open its doors in Sag Harbor. Yes, I know I need to work on my delivery. Anyway, for now I’ll just give you a piece of my mind about Sag Pizza.

Located in the site of the former Conca D’oro (they even kept the sign), the newly renovated and sleekly designed restaurant opened it’s doors to a hungry horde earlier today. Perhaps it’s because it’s from the same folks that brought us LT Burger that had them lining up outside an hour before a single pie was tossed. So, how is it? I thought it was pretty darn good, especially since they were only opened for about an hour. While I heard some grumbling about having to wait in line to get a slice, it’s the first day folks! I’m sure they know there’s mushroom for improvement and given the folks running the place, they’ll get there soon enough. Now, to the really important part… the food itself. I had a slice of the margherita and one of the pepperoni. Both were made with fresh mozzarella and sauce on a thin crust that was nicely complimented by a slight smoky

flavor from the wood burning oven. Overall, a solid slice and a welcome addition to Sag Harbor. If you want more menu information, click on the restaurants website here. Let me know what YOU think.

You know how when you go to any town in the U.S. and the locals have a funny way of referring to their community, you know like in Bayonne you’ll meet someone and they’ll tell you how “people call us the Paris of New Jersey!” Hmmm, while I’m not sure I usually agree with these analogies I will tell you, I do have a few of my own about certain things in the Hamptons. In fact, I asked some of my friends if they had some quaint ways to refer to the sites and sounds of the Hamptons. Here are a few of my favorites:

Madison and Main Sag Harbor is the 42nd and Broadway of the Hamptons. With pedestrians that don’t look, drivers who don’t know how to drive and more cars than these two streets can handle, I can see it. Hit that intersection on a Saturday at 7pm in July and August and you’ll be looking for the dirty Elmo to come take his picture with your kids for $5.

Stop and Shop stores are the DMV of the Hamptons. Perhaps it’s the long lines. It could also be the parking lot that’s full with the mayhem and madness of novice drivers. Maybe it’s the cranky cashiers or maybe it’s the fact you really don’t want to buy the produce at either that this comparison makes sense. Either way, I’m not a fan of either and they apparently bought their dingy lighting from the same place.

Gucci pants, shoes, shirt and an Hermes belt are the Garanimals of the Hamptons. Remember those kids who used to eat the glue in 3rd grade? The ones who were lucky enough to have their mother tell them to always make sure they wear a giraffe pants with a giraffe shirt?! Well some of them grew up and now live in the Hamptons. Yes, t

hey’re here and still dressing with the same amount of thought as they did when they were in phonics class. It’s a thoughtless uniform but with a more expensive flair. By the way, I would wear these Garanimals too if I had the money to spare.

Tesla is the Honda of the Hamptons. If you live in a normal part of the world you go out to dinner, the movies or wherever and you park in a lot that’s probably Honda heavy. It’s a good car. It’s a sensible car. It’s also the vehicle, 90 percent of your friends drive in the rest of the world. Well this isn’t Cherry Hill here. It’s the Hamptons. Yes, sensible has a different look here on the East End. But hey, I do like these cars. I’m not knocking them. BUT, if only there was a supercharging station closer than Southampton.

Amagansett is the Tribeca of the Hamptons. It’s young, it’s hip, it’s loaded with celebs, it’s trendy and the coffee shops are so hip they hurt! I hope I don’t need to explain this further. If you don’t believe me, stop by Jack’s coffee anytime from now to Labor day. Oh, and if you ever see a guy wearing gap khaki shorts and a polo shirt who stands out like a sore thumb in town…. that’s me.