IF YOU WANT TO SPEAK LIKE A HAMPTONS INSIDER… READ THIS!

It’s now official, the Hamptons are now the sixth borough.    When you pick up your land line phone, you now have dial the area code for local calls.   It’s not that it’s a big deal but I kind of think it’s the tipping point for something.  I’m not sure what… but it’s definitely a tipping point for something.

New Technology is coming to the Hamptons!

Meanwhile, I never realized it but when you sell real estate on the East End you start to speak a language all of it’s own.   A few months ago I started noting the terms I use with some of my other friends in the biz out here to describe the people and places in our humble little neck of the woods.   So here they are in no particular order or significance, additions to the lexicon of selling Hamptons real estate.

TMS or Taj Mahal Syndrome – this is when a home seller thinks their particular property is the best of the best.   Yes, it involves an inflated price tag on their home and total denial of the realities of the market place.    While they love their gilded fish faucets in the downstairs powder room, very few consumers will put a value on such a luxurious fixture.   It doesn’t matter how much they cost.  It’s really a frustrating affliction for realtors because how do you not insult your sellers while explaining, “everyone thinks your #@#***%  gilded fish are hideous?”

Catfished – this term is actually used more often when discussing Facebook profiles  but can also be used to describe when some customers actually see an advertised listing in person.     Thanks to

Catfished:  photoshopping happens

modern technology and overseas sweat shops, it’s easier for property photos to be “enhanced” without spending a fortune.    A gaping hole in the roof?   No problem, it’s solved with a click of a mouse and a wave of a pen.   So imagine, the buyers delight when they actually see the house in person!?  They’ve been “catfished.”

A Kobe –  Remember when Kobe Bryant got tangled up in a sex scandal a few years back?  A few nasty headlines and the next thing you know is his wife got a brand new bauble the size of Texas?   Well it happens here too. So, while diamonds are a girls best friend, real estate is many a girls BFF (rings can get lost).   Now, I don’t want to sound sexist.  There are more than a few men out there getting their “kobes” too. But while I’ve also noticed it’s usually spouse #2 who gets these 8000 square foot multi-million dollar baubles, there really is nothing wrong with it.    I’m happy to helps someone “kobe” anyone, anytime.

Earhardt – Yes, I’ve written about this before but a great term is worth repeating.   This one was shared to me by one of our local cab drivers a few years ago.    This is a person who is renting a home in the Hamptons but can’t remember where it’s located.    A reference to the pioneer and missing aviator Amelia Earhardt.    These particular folks are usually spotted wandering around early in the season on the streets of the east end looking for the cedar shingled house with the pool in the back yard.

Yes it’s fun being here in the playground of the rich, famous and sometime clueless… where we have a lifestyle and a language all our own!

 

MMMMMMMMMM…. DONUTS… AND TUNA TARTARE! -UPDATED!!!

In case you missed it there was a lot of buzz a few months ago as Tom Colicchio and Topping Rose House parted ways.    Much of the well deserved criticism revolved around the fact that the prices were steep and the food was just a tad too “precious.”     Well, when it was recently announced that Jean-Georges Vongerichten would be moving into that prime location, it was with a skeptical eye that many Hamptons folks awaited the arrival of it’s latest celebrity chef.     I mean, doesn’t everyone want quail and sweet breads when visiting the beach?

www.toppingrosehouse.com
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm…. donuts!

But guess what?  A good thing happened on the way to Bridgehampton.   Rather than taking a step on the fancy side, the restaurateur took a page more from his Inn at Pound Ridge menu and gave it a Hamptons spin.    Jean-Georges at the Topping Rose House is now open and ready for business.  While make no mistake the bill is going to cost you a few more dollars than an Olive Garden Prix Fixe, the prices are reasonable by local standards and the menu is actually pretty accessible.   The restaurant was open over the Memorial Day and served dishes from the new menu including; Tuna Tartare with Avacado and ginger marinade for $22, Kale Salad with Lemon and Parmesan $15, Parmesan Crusted Organic Chicken for $32 and a Cheeseburger with Frizzled Onions and House made pickles for $21.     For the vegetarian in the group, they also have a Garden Vegetable Brown Rice bowl with Salsa Verde for $26.    While I haven’t had the chance to check it out yet, if it’s anything like the Westchester outlet I have no doubt it will be packed from now until Labor Day!  For more information or reservations, you can try calling 631-537-0870 or go online by clicking here!

Meanwhile, something is apparently brewing in Sag Harbor and Homer Simpson will very happy.    I was on the street and I glazed over to find out that  Grindstone Coffee and Donuts is coming to town.   The hole deal is getting ready to set up shot at the location that was formerly occupied by Pepalajefa at 7 Main Street in Sag Harbor.   Fronted by two veteran coffee shope folks,  locals Kyle Shanahan and Anna Coffman will have brioche style donuts in such mouth watering flavors as strawberry shortcake, chocolate coconut and of course the traditional glazed!  The two are also making a point of sourcing all of the ingredients from local providers like Mecox Dairy and Amber Waves Farm in Amagansett.    In fact, they’re taking the local angle so seriously they’ve decided to start working on a beach plum filled jelly donut recipe.     But if you’re hoping these will be low calorie, fat free, taste free confections, forget it.  The plan is for real “super buttery brioche donuts”… dare I say it’s a the Hamptons answer to a cronut….. a bronut?    The shop will also have a range of gourmet coffees and teas to help unclog your arteries.       Look for Grindstone Coffee and Donuts to open sometime at the end of the month!    One final thought before I go?  Some folks say, “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”… except for donuts which say, “skinny can go “f” itself.”

10 GREAT PLACES TO FIGHT THE FLAB IN THE HAMPTONS

Yeah, that’s me up top… CENTER!

Summer in the Hamptons …  a time for sitting in hours of traffic on route 27.   A time for attending overpriced benefits and rubbing shoulders with walking wax figures.   A special time when other annual occurrences like budding flowers, warm breezes the privileged 20-somethings getting sick on the streets of Montauk are common. It’s also that time of year where you get to remind yourself how completely inadequate you look in that bathing suit.

But before you break out the Barry Manilow and Carpenters albums… remember you don’t have to look like the before picture on the back of that comic book.   The east end is a great place to back in shape and stuff that gut into a wild bikini! Biking, jogging and back yard swims are some of the easiest ways here to burn the calories and fight the fat.    But if you’re like me and require a little more motivation from an instructor or hot gym goer next to you, take note.  Hamptons  Chatter is here with 10 of the best places to workout this coming season.
1) Flywheel Sports – East Hampton located at 65 Montauk Highway and Flywheel at Sag Harbor Gym, 1 Bay Street Sag Harbor. The original spin studio where some folks can burn over 1000 calories in a single class.   A great place to be seen and see some of the more famous faces of the Hamptons (Broderick, Baldwin, Zellwegger… or you know the girl from Jerry Macguire) including instructor Holly Rillinger who is the star of Bravo’s Work Out New York!    Pay by the class or get a membership but no matter what, make sure to book your classes in advance.
2) Yoga Shanti – Sag Harbor located at 32 Bridge Street.  Get toned, fit and sweat at one of the most noted yoga studios around.  There are classes for everyone from beginner to expert. Prices vary and there are some famous faces here too.   One of the more frequent and notable patrons is entrepreneur and producer Russell Simmons. You can pay by the class, package or membership.  It’s a good idea to book your classes in advance here as well. There is also a complete schedule online so check it out.  
By the way, if you’re looking for something a little less “precious,” try Karma Diva in East Hampton.  It’s the yin to Yoga Shanti’s yang.

4) East Hampton Indoor Tennis – East Hampton located at 175 Daniels Hole Rd. – Before you question why I’m suggesting a tennis club let me tell you the average Joe can burn about 700 calories an hour playing tennis.  But if you want something a little more intense check out the tennis aerobics on Tuesday and Thursday mornings at the club.   To say you’ll be dripping wet is an understatement.   Pay by the class or become a member the choice is yours.     The staff is friendly and you can play indoor and out.    Click above or here to go to the website.

5) Crossfit Hamptons– Southampton located at 375 County Rd. 39.  – Rather than me trying to explain it.. watch an eye candy video about what exactly crossfit entails.  A little bit of this a little bit of that and bodies in motion.  Click here for more details on how to sign up for a Crossfit Hamptons class.

Yeah, that looks easy!!!

6) Barry’s Bootcamp – Amaganett located at 199 Main St. and Wainscott 352 Montauk Highway.  – If Xenu started teaching fitness classes… it would be Barry’s Bootcamp. Although it’s the new guy in town it’s already garnered a cult like following.    In all honesty, I’ve never gone but my friends who’ve attended are addicted.   Click here for more details.

7)  Lift Hamptons – Wainscott located at 354 Montauk Highway – A boutique gym located next to the best cookie shop in the Hamptons (Levan Bakery).    I know it seems like some sort of a sick joke but once you pass the temptation you’ll find a motivating bright and zen like atmosphere perfect for your morning workout.   Memberships are based on an hourly rate and include one on one training.    Click here for more information.

8 & 9 ) East Hampton YMCA – 2 Gingerbread Lane and Southampton Town Recreation Center – 1370 Majors Path.   – Both places have it all but at a fraction of the price of the “other” gyms in town. There are no celeb siteings but if you want to live like a local and save some money on getting fit…. click here for Southampton or here for East Hampton YMCA.   Fees vary based on residency in both locations.

10) Truth Training – East Hampton located at 5 Railroad Ave.. – Truth Training is a strength based workout, programming and lifestyle series that revolves around the “foundation” exercises.   Think of it as a P90X class right here live in the Hamptons with some of the best and most educated trainers around.     Click here for class schedules and rates.     

Ok, there it is.. 10 Great places to get your body ready for the beach.    Woah, this blog was exhausting.    Now, it’s time for my burger, fries and beer at the Corner Bar in Sag Harbor!   Just kidding… off to the basement for my Peloton bike.   I don’t want to see any of you losers when I work out!!!   Kidding again…. sort of.

A BIG EMPTY SCOOP IN EAST HAMPTON… PLUS FINDING MY FURRY FRIEND A HOME!

Just what East Hampton needs before the season… another commercial property going vacant.  Yes, the scoop is that Scoop is shuttering it’s doors on Newton Lane in the next weeks.   The two decade old luxury retailer is holding an inventory liquidation sale right now.   Known for their eclectic brands of high end duds,  rumor has it that the retailer will be shuttering all their doors in the next few weeks.   According to reports, they already shut their Soho outlet sometime earlier this week.

Soho…Soho??? Is that anywhere near the Tanger Mall in Riverhead?   Damn, I’ve been living here in the Hamptons too long.  ANYWAY, it’s time to get your butt to the store before their inventory is gone!    If you can’t make it, you can always go to their website www.scoopnyc.com,   where the discounts have already begun.

Speaking of sales and saving money,  the clock is ticking for Suffolk county homeowners looking to file for a property tax grievance.   The deadline is end of business day this Monday the 16th.   If you want more information, you can go to the NY State website and then click on your individual town.    You can also do a quick google search online for one of a number of tax reduction services.   Most of them don’t charge anything unless you actually get a reduction.   If you do, they’ll take about 50% of your first year’s savings.   Check with each service about their individual fees and procedures.

Meet Mattie!!!

Finally, a little bragging from me.   For the next few weeks, I’m working together with the folks at Gimme Shelter Animal Rescue in Southampton to feature an adoptable “Pet of the Week.”   You can see the ad in Dan’s Papers or follow me on Twitter or Instagram.   While I’m sure some of you out there would have preferred that I sponsor a “Penthouse Pet” of the week, I thought it would be more beneficial to feature the one that would likely be better company!    if you want more information about my buddy Mattie, check out www.gimmeshelteranimalrescue.org.

Have a great weekend everyone!