soulcycle

SOULCYCLE GETS A NEW NEIGHBOR IN WATER MILL! YOU KNOW IT’S SUMMER WHEN….

In what’s probably one of the better business moves this summer, Sag Harbor staple Provisions will be adding another location at the former site of Citerella in Water Mill shopping center.

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Smoothies and Salads and Bears… oh my!

A smart move considering every Saturday and Sunday, the area swarms with Lululemonites loitering after the SoulCycle classes next door.  Which means getting a green juice or smoothie just got a lot easier!! Thank the lord…. or at least the owners of Provisions.    If you’ve never been to Sag Harbor location, it’s probably one of the best natural food markets anywhere and the organic cafe is always packed!!    According to highly placed sources (the guy at the cash register yesterday), the Water Mill location will be opening sometime in Mid-July.     While I’m sure it will swamped like their other location,  they may want to burn some sage to be safe.     It couldn’t hurt to clean some of the possible bad juju that sunk Citarella (in that location), Avanti market (which I loved), West Elm and Blockbuster video (damn you streaming video!)!    Anyway, you can check out their website by clicking here for more details.

Well, the calendar says it’s June and the summer season is defintiely upon us.    But like the traffic jams on 27 and the blooms of the rhodaden… Roudaden….. Rhodamorgenterns… errrr… RHODODENDRON (like you know how to spell it?) there are other signs that that it’s that time of year in the Hamptons!   Here are a few that I always look for…

Wolffer Vineyards becomes the Pumpkin Town of warm weather on Friday Nights!  Screaming kids, parents that ignore them, jazz music and cars lining up and down the highway…. all with Summer in a Bottle… it’s beach living at it’s finest!

People are constantly asking every store, restaurant, real estate office and bank for their wifi password!  Cell service sucks in the Hamptons…. we all know it.    It’s even suckier in the summer!  Period.    Listen I get it…. it’s isolating and frustrating.   But maybe this summer we can try checking our social media accounts when we get home people!?  Nahhhh. I hate talking to people in person too!

There’s a stranded German luxury car on the beach!    If you drive two days a week for 12 weeks a year, maybe getting a Range Rover or MercedAudibeach9es G-Class isn’t such a great Mercedeesbeachidea (also other people need parking spaces too!)   Try starting with something smaller and easier to handle and perhaps watertight like a VW bug.    Just because you have 4 wheel drive doesn’t mean your car is good for beach driving, especially as the high tide is coming!

Restaurant Managers get Amnesia!    If you’ve ever seen the movie “What’s Up Doc,” you’ll remember the scene where Madeline Kahn gets dragged out of a banquet by her heels when her fiance says “I’ve never seen this woman before in my life.”   Well that’s how more than a few of us feel this time of year when we head out to eat on weekend night.   Ummm, I’m the guy who comes in every Monday in October and April and I’m the only one in the place?!   Patrick?!  No!?   Grrrrrr. 

Anyway, enough complaining…. I’m loving the warm weather, the calls from my long lost relatives and paying double for everything!  It’s summer in the Hamptons everyone!!!  Party on!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Avoid the Soulpsychos …. Plus, the Latest Threat to Property Values!

While we still lament the departure of Tiffany a few weeks ago. We (royal) are taking solace in the fact that there is actually something cool that took its place.   I mean, it could have been a Kardashian pop-up or worse yet another real estate office!  But alas, that’s not what we got! Instead we have something to make the Hamptons a little more civilized on Saturday and Sunday mornings during the season, Peloton!   OK, what exactly is Peloton?   It’s the cure for the overly aggressive Lululemon wearing…. Range Rover driving… Vitamin water drinking…. Soul Psychos!   Rather than jockeying online to reserve a spot at an overly crowded spin class, you can instead buy one of Peloton’s bikes for about $2000, pay a small monthly membership and join in via-video for one of a dozen or so classes a day live from New York City!    The bikes come with a video screen where you monitor the class and have your stats sent back to the studio, so don’t try reading the paper while you pedal.    They’ll know if your sweating or riding like your grandmother!   I took a look at one of the bikes at the store on Main Street East Hampton and this stuff is cool! But don’t worry, if you’re Internet is slow… thank you Optimum…. you can download and store classes on the monitor’s hard drive!     If you’re curious, take a look at this video.    I know I want one of these!  Here’s the link!
 
Could this be bad for owners of historical homes!

Meanwhile, if your’e fit, you’ll be living longer and if you’re living longer you can protect your property values!  SAYYYYYYY WHAT???!   I kid you not!    As if the real estate market weren’t confusing enough, between potentially rising interest rates and an unpredictable market now you have to worry if someone has died in your home!   OMG!  I can hear it now  “Mrs. Freeling, while my clients love Cuesta Verde, this house is not clear… and my buyers want to offer you 25% off of your asking price!” Now, I don’t know about you but I’m not sure I buy the whole ghost thing.  I’ve only seen one in my life and that was after taking an ambien with a margarita!    If you think I’m joking, check out the website DiedinHouse.com!    I know it’s a very catchy name, right?  Its kind of like listing your home on overpricedgarbageforsalebyowner.com!

Finally, some new restaurant reports coming later in the week!   Plus…. go see Conviction at Bay Street Theater!   Some of the best performances of any show on any stage anywhere!

 

Hub Bub over Shrubs… and Forget the Scientologists There’s a New Cult in Town!

The scene of the crime!!!

Well, we’re all feeling it… tensions are at a boiling point in the Hamptons.    Yes, it costs some folks a lot of money to live here and they just want have some fun.     But apparently some cheap kill joy is ruining the fun for one homeowner in the Hamptons!   What are they doing?!  Well I think the photo here says it all.   Landscaping here isn’t cheap and this proves it.   Personally if I were the home owner, I would just plant some poison ivy around all of my valuable plantings.  Now, if anyone wants to write the police blotter for this crime, I’m taking suggestions!

Cult or fitness movement!?

Speaking of tensions the cult that is known as Scientology  er, I mean Soul Cycle is continuing its plans to dominate the universe.  Their latest conquest is now in the Water Mill shopping center.  Yes, the home of Citarella, Water Mill Cupcakes, Avanti Market, Blockbuster Video and Muse Restaurant will now be the newest location for Soul Cycle.     Apparently someone read my blog and has decided to open an outlet with ample parking.    I do have one bit of advice for anyone opening a business in that shopping center;  burn some sage and higher a witch doctor, that place is cursed!   By the way, I really do miss Water Mill Cupcakes!

 

Holiday Hangover … How to make the Hamptons Happy… Again!

I’m back after the holiday week/weekend.  It wasn’t that I was lying back and taking it easy.   In fact, it continues to be for me along with most real estate agents, one of the busiest seasons in recent memory.    So, I took a breather from the blog and immersed myself in the summer of 2013.

While every year people seem to say the traffic and the crowds are worse than the year before, this year they’re right.  It’s a war out there!   But there is a chance for peace in the Hamptons and I’m making my attempt for a Nobel Peace Prize for my fine work right here with Hamptons Chatter.     So how can we turn our little piece of heaven into a shangri-la?
First of all, you avoid the places that make your blood pressure boil.   Last year, I had one of my most successful blogs ever talking about the most unfriendly places in the Hamptons (Hamptons Hostility 7/13/12).    But this year,  I’ve learned to be more of a “glass is half full” kind of guy.  I’m going to offer solutions for the problems of the east end.   So here they are in no particular order, my “pointers” for making a happier Hamptons.

Terror awaits the hungry diner at Topping Rose!

1)   Improve the Service !   –  Last Monday, I went to the Topping Rose in Bridgehampton.  In case you weren’t aware, this is celebrity chef Tom Colicchio’s new restaurant at the spa and Inn of the same name.   While the food was actually dynamite the service made me want to go postal.   Now, I don’t mind mediocre service when I’m at a…. say… Friendly’s or TGIFriday’s.     But when you’re paying top dollar for the food, you shouldn’t have to wait 50 minutes after your reservation time just to get seated and another 10 minutes to get water! UGH!   I’m sorry throwing a skimpy cheese plate on the house doesn’t compensate for getting dinner at 10:40pm on a 9pm reservation.      Guys, people are spending the bucks on the food and the booze so hire the extra bus person and the extra cook.  Also, it’s not a bad idea to admit you screwed up and not blame it on the other patrons!   Other than the Topping Rose, this is also good suggestion for Serafina (updated… had dinner there tonight… AWFUL service and no air-conditioning) and The Living Room.       By the way, I know none of you are going to listen to me so go try it yourself!

The devil is in the machinery!

2) Get Rid of Those Auto Check Outs and HIRE SOME PEOPLE! –  Here’s my ancient Chinese secret, if you need more Calgon on the weekend, wait.    Besides the way the lines move at the K-Mart, CVS and Walbaum’s stores in South and East Hampton it’s quicker to order it from Amazon!    I know, I keep harping about this but at least hire some extra check out people.   Those scanners don’t work!!!    Besides, there are some people who these things just scare the bejeezus out of.  It’s the equivalent to them of appearing on stage!  They sweat!  They panic!   They freeze… then they freeze the machines!    It’s like Lucy in the chocolate factory.   I like my machines in movies…  example “The Terminator 2”.. not when I buy my milk.

3) Get Ample Parking and Force  Commuting! –  As anyone who’s been to Soul Cycle, Fly-Wheel or any of the gyms out here knows, half the work out is finding a parking space.   I’ve actually heard reports of fist fight in one particular spin studio!!!  Blood is not a good color on Lululemon!   So here is my idea… ride your bikes to spin class people!!! DUH!   You don’t have to do two classes this way and

It’s my space and class is starting!!!

you’re actually helping to save the planet (watch that Al Gore movie it will explain)!    On top of that gym/spin studio owners could help themselves by offering incentives to patrons that commute!   How about free water for everyone who comes in a car of two or more.  I know free water… it still cracks me up I’m willing to pay $2.50 for water!   My grandmother is rolling her eyes in her grave every time I do it!   But back to the topic… how about at least a free stain remover for those who have blood stains from the fights in the parking lot!!?  I know, it’s a brilliant idea!    OK, there it is my treatise on how to make the Hamptons happy again!  Have a great summer everybody!!!