Well to every ying, there needs to be a yang… for every Batman there needs to be a Joker…for every East Hampton Patch there is a Hamptons Chatter and for every U2 there needs to be a Justin Bieber. In other words, you have to learn to take the good with the bad. So in response to the good stuff that we had out east last year, there were some less than stellar moments in the Hamptons. So starting with number 5 and going to number 1, I’m counting down the biggest mistakes in the Hamptons, 2011!
#5 The Empty Red Horse Market in East Hampton – What a waste to let a prime piece of Hamptons real estate sit for over a year totally vacant. It was last fall when Tutto Italiano shuttered its doors in this prime location only to leave shop owners in the center collecting cob webs on their registers. Well the only reason this isn’t number one is because it looks as if they finally have a new tenant there. Prime Meats, formerly of the over cooked and newly scorched Hamptons Market (personally I like uncharred non-burnt markets) moving into the new location along with Gurney’s Bakery, a bread shop and a cheese vendor. Although, I heard it’s the former Pasquale of Tutto Italiano as far as I know that is an unconfirmed. Let’s hope they can stand the challenge if that Whole Foods really goes in the old Plitt Ford as rumored.
#4
The Carvel Drive Thru Window – Now, I love my soft serve and Cookie Puss Cakes as much as the next guy but I’m willing to park my Mercedees before I make a dash for a vanilla cone with sprinkles. Hey, it would have been ok if you called even! I mean, it’s in the store and it’s not melting yet, so relax. In all seriousness, luckily nobody was hurt in this race for the cone. But don’t you think Carvel should have just left it that way?!
#3 Rugosa – Ok, I checked in there once in 2010 and I was the “MAYOR” on Foursquare til the day they closed. Ok, so you’re telling me I’m the only one who ate there!? I know, it looked like it. The food wasn’t bad but the menu there was virtually impossible. While I don’t know who owned Rugosa, I have to ask did they really think there was a big demand in the summer for “squab in plum sauce?” But even if you found something you could eat on the menu, while the food was actually pretty good the service was enough to make you beg for a scrap of bread or a “Hungry Man” tv dinner. So essentially 2011 was a mistake.
#2 LIPA’s Hurricane Irene Recovery Plan – Ummmmm yeah, they’ll be there to fix uh… the.. um.. what do you call it.. the uh…the power lines….ummmm… sometime between… ummmmmm… uh… later today and next Saturday at 5pm! It was like they were getting their customer service playbook from Cablevision. But what LIPA screwed up this past year has been a boom for contractors on the east end. HOW? I have never met more people installing generators than I have in the past 3 months.
#1 THE MTK Festival or Music to Know – Ok guys, first mistake was did you ever look into how much it costs to rent a house or hotel room in the Hamptons during August?! Second, where were all these sort of Woodstockers going to sleep… pitch a tent on some lawn on Gin Lane? Third, the people who actually like Vampire Weekend for example (although I do but I’m very cool for my age) are probably working at the restaurants and stores in August and they can’t take off because it’s busy! DUH! My suggestion, skip the music to know and give me music I already know. I would have paid to see The GO-GO’s, The Pretenders or Duran Duran… or even Neil Diamond for G-d’s sake. But that’s just me and most of the 40 something friends I know. I’m forever stuck in the 80’s and the rest are too tired learn anything new.
Well my first tale is one that I’ve never heard before, although a few have told me they have! It starts with my getting my brand new watch fixed and somehow it folded into the mystery and legend surrounding the Montauk Project. If you never heard of the Montauk project, according to Wickipedia it’s described as 
So, what to do when you’ve had a little to much to drink while in the forest. I mean woods… and you need to take a nap!? You naturally go for a walk! I mean neighbors are friendly here in the East Hampton forest, right?! So later that summer evening a family of homeowners came home to their house and notice the flat screen was on! “Someone is sleeping in our living room” the poppa homeowner declared! Yes, the family was surprised to see someone sleeping in their bed… er I mean their sofa! So were they friendly to Mr. Goldilocks? Nope, they called the police and notified the landlord who was none too pleased to hear about so many bears…er… summer renters were sleeping in his beds (damn this would have been funnier if Bear Sterns were still in business, right?). But just one final note and little mixing of tales here… neighbors are looking high and low for the prince who slept on the sofa. It appears he left a flip flop behind, perhaps I should have instead called him Cinderfella!
It looks like they’re working around the clock to get the former PRIME 103…JL East… Peconic Coast spot into shape for restaurateur Michael Gluckman’s latest, “THE BEACH HOUSE.” I’m told they’re making it similar to their old “The Lodge” with a bit more fish and seafood thrown into the mix. If you’ve never been inside the place, it’s one of the best locations in the Hamptons. According to some, It’s allegedly been mired in litigation and unable to change hands from the man known as Jean Luc (Ed Kleefeld). Don’t you love that, I’m changing my name now too… call me Dash Riprock Fromage! It sounds kind of french and dashing!? Right? Anyway, earlier this year Gluckman unloaded the old Bamboo (Shiki) and started putting forth his efforts into the new location.