RECON FROM HARBOR MARKET AND THE BEST OF OVERPRICED HAMPTONS!

The New Harbor Market!

Hi all, just remember Hamptons Chatter is not a daily, a weekly or any other type of regular anything.  I also refuse to take any sort of literary Metamucil!   I only speak when I feel inspired to speak, when the muses have touched me or when something around town really pisses me off.    So guess what? The muses haven’t touched me but I am a little…. wait no negativity here either.   I need to breathe.   Hmm.   OK now for the not angry edition of Hamptons Chatter or as Curbed.com editors have been known to call this “HC.”    I can live with that… HC!

Well, I finally had the chance to go the new Harbor Market and Kitchen in Sag Harbor to see if all the fuss and arguing was worth it.  Well, here I am to tell you it was much ado about nothing!   The place looks fantastic, beautiful barn doors, cedar shingles and the whole exterior of the place is totally in keeping in with the neighborhood aesthetic.     The food by the way, is also pretty good especially the pizzas but only order when you’re not in a hurry.   As for the much feared industrial sounds coming from the roof and the awful unattractive roof…. well it’s pretty damn quiet and its way more attractive than that house on 114 that looks like it’s being built for the Munsters or the hideous colors radiating from Yummilicious!   Not that I don’t love Yummilicious.

I don’t know the owners of the market but I can tell you they’ve had their hands full battling to open the market… remember this is the same street where panties were twisted over a huge pair of legs…. but there efforts have paid off.    The interior is beautiful and the sandwiches, salads and the macaroni and cheese are pretty good too!    So go, check it out and decide for yourself…. and decide if the world really changed that much on Henry Street!?

But you know different things find different things offensive.     What do I find offensive??????   Some of the prices we are forced to pay here around town in the Hamptons!  Here is my brief list of some of the worst offenders.  Now remember, I don’t mind paying big bucks for the guacamole at Round Swamp Farm because it’s amazing.   What I do resent is mediocre products at premium prices. But remember, this is not an angry blog.  I’m staying positive.   So here are some of the most positively overpriced items I can think of on the East End…. 2015 Edition!

No supersizing here – Sanscerre that is Sen-sationally expensive!!

Sen Restaurant – This Sag Harbor establishment is always packed and I get it.   The food is good but a dinner for two with a few glasses of wine and some sushi shouldn’t cost nearly $300 bucks!    Well, part of it might have been the very stingy pours of Sancerre wine, I’m convinced that I the owner or manager was inspecting before going to the waiting tables.  REALLY? It’s a $14 dollar glass of wine… you’re not going to lose money if they give some lucky diner an extra ouce!    It will be a long time before I go to Sen again, instead I’ll head to Zokkon in East Hampton which is a fraction of the cost and just as good.   It’s also never packed there…. but it should be… great food and friendly prices!

Any Taxi in the Hamptons – I recently went from the Hampton Jitney to BMW in Southampton.   How far was that?  What 300 yards?!  It cost me nearly $20 dollars because it was a flat rate. Apparently that is for all cabs across the board… or so I’m told   Now before you all go saying I’m lazy and should have walked, I had a ton of luggage.   But really… $20?!  I could have taken a cab from the Upper East Side to Midtown for less.   But hey, it’s the Hamptons where some take the motto “if you have to ask the price then you shouldn’t be here!”

Babette’s East Hampton –  How much would you pay for a Western Omelette?     How about $18.95 at this Village eatery.   There really isn’t much to say here… I mean it’s an omelette!    Instead of getting eggs here, how about getting the same dish at Princess Diner for $9.95.   By the way, what’s with the .95 cents, is it some sort of weird egg law or tax?   For crying out loud people, say what it is for real;  $10 and $19.

East Hampton and Southampton Parking Tickets – Go to the beach without a permit or park on one of the lanes and you’re going to get slapped with a $150 parking ticket.   Yup, that’s like getting two California Rolls and a glass of wine at a certain restaurant!  By the way, don’t try messing with any of the brownies – the kids that write the tickets… nothing to do with Tate’s or Round Swamp Brownies…. wait I’m hungry!   OH, don’t mess with the kids writing tickets in any of the villages, they may be taking their SAT’s in the fall but these kids do not fool around!

Well, I’m back to pure happy thoughts now!    So I’m done writing.

 

 

 

THE BRITISH ARE COMING… THE ROYAL ONES!!!! ALSO, THE POLLEN ISALREADY HERE!

The royal formerly known as Prince William, now known as Kate Middleton’s husband is apparently planning to bring his Windsor brood to spend their summer in the Hamptons!   I know!  I know!   I’m as excited as the next Anglophile!    According to the rarely reliable OK magazine, the two have already rented a large estate to rub elbows with the likes of Spielberg and Martha.    According to palace “sources” they have always wanted to come here so George and Charlotte can “enjoy the sea and the sunshine.”   It sounds reasonable to me, so ignore those wet blankets over at Gossip Cop that are calling this report complete b*##*#$@!     In fact, I have a few suggestions for the royals when they take that leap across the pond.   I know William will find it here on Hamptons Chatter next time he googles his name in a exhausted or drunken stupor!

Calls to Buckingham palace have not been returned!
Hi William, hopefully you didn’t buy that estate yet and you’ll be calling me as your agent in the near future.   Why will you call me?  Well after you enjoy these five awesome suggestions I have for you when visiting the Hamptons, you’ll know I’m your go to man!
Cyril’s:  Will, it’s the best people watching in the Hamptons and the location overlooking scenic route 27 is fit for a King, which you should be next IMHO!   Make sure to order two BBCs (don’t ask just drink) and Kate will be macking on you like you’re that lead singer guy from One Direction!

Home Goods:   Who doesn’t love a bargain!?   You and Kate can stock the estate with fresh linen and towels and even those nifty plastic margarita glasses without paying a kings ransom!  Not that I hope Charles gets kidnapped and you become King… but if that happens… NO PROBLEMO!  You’ll be saving a bundle and have the cash as your “HOME GOODS HAPPY.”

The Essence of cool!

The Giant Duck:   OK, it’s actually NOT in the Hamptons but it’s a GIANT DUCK! Hello!?  How cool is that!?

Martha Stewart’s House:    She lives in town and if you give me a call, I’m happy to share her address.  Just go over, she loves drop by guests!   She’ll help Kate use local flowers to make the most amazing table centerpieces and her fresh lemonade is to die for… really!   Just go!  Tell her I said it was OK.
The American Hotel:   A Hamptons institution where you can spot an occasional celebrity and enjoy scenic Sag Harbor.  Another plus is they now have hooks under the bar for Kate’s purse.    One final suggestion; I would wait till HRH Elizabeth II comes to town and bring her, she will actually be one of the younger folks at the bar, which will make her feel good.    You’ll all have a blast!
Finally, when you come to town Will… can I call you Will?… make sure to bring some good allergy medicine because it is apparently ….”POLLENGEDDON” out here right now!   Pools are green, cars are green, windows are green and my poor dog Bella is green… and it’s not easy!     So, luckily I have two quick ideas you can follow to help make breathing easier here on the east end.   Try small doses of some local honey, apparently it will help you build a resistance to the pollen since the local bees use the same pollen to make the sweet stuff!   You can also try showering more frequently, apparently the pollen sticks to your skin and hair more than you realize.   So stop breathing all that dead epidermis and pollen and take a shower.  If all else fails, head to CVS and get some Claritan and make sure to register for the frequent shopper points!

HATE CROWDS? NO RESERVATIONS?! NO PROBLEM!! A QUICK GUIDE TO HAMPTONS DELIVERY!

One of the things I like least about summer in the Hamptons is the crowds.   While I’m not an agoraphobic, the idea of dealing with traffic and pushy patrons is sometimes more than I can handle. Besides, I get extreme guilt leaving my dogs behind… because they like to party as much as the next animal.  So, unlike NYC where you can have a cup of coffee delivered for free, finding door to door service out east is a little more difficult.   Virtually nobody delivers in the Hamptons. I know White’s Pharmacy delivers… but cough drops and Metamucil don’t quite satisfy my hunger like they should.   What do you do when your cupboards are bare, traffic is backed up and everybody is hungry?   Well, here’s the skinny on getting chubby without leaving home…..

There are two.. repeat only TWO Chinese restaurants that I think are worth the weight in MSG. Number 1 (631-726-8080) in Water Mill and Pheonix in Wainscott (631-537-0011).    There are a few others in the area but one of them actually has Immodium on the menu which to me is a big red flag…OK I’m kidding.   While my two recommendations aren’t exactly Shun Lee or Mr. Chow’s, they’re both good, hearty and reasonably priced.  My personal favorites are the “scallion pancakes” at Pheonix and the “spicy chicken and broccoli” at #1.    Both are the best Chinese delivery in the HAMPTONS!  Although, that’s kind of like saying it’s the friendliest restaurant in France.

When it’ comes to Pizza. There are no Domino’s in the Hamptons. Which is a good thing. But darn it, why is it so hard to get a pizza brought to your door on a rainy Saturday night!?   Well there are only a few choices for delivery pizza at a good price.  In Montauk, you have Sausages (631-668-1144) .. In Bridgehampton there’s American Pie (631-613-6177) in the Commons and Southampton has Paul’s (631-283-1861) and Melrose East.   In East Hampton you have Pizza and Things Spring’s Pizza. Customers like it for their reasonable prices, friendly staff and fresh ingredients (631) 324-7974.

Also in East Hampton, the Red Horse Market will deliver groceries or prepared foods with a $100 minimum purchase.  I’m pretty sure you can get them to bring one of their pizzas to the door as well.  By the way, throw a fresh mozzarella in there for good measure and melt some extra on the pie.

If you’re looking for something a little more exotic you can try Saaz in Southampton.    They deliver and according to some, they’ll go all the way to East Hampton.    That’s a good thing too since the New York Times raved the food is “uniformly excellent… a long overdue addition to Hamptons dining.”     Saaz – (631) 259-2222 – is located just as you come into Southampton on CR 39 at the former site of Mason Ole  – where Montezuma always got his revenge!      Saaz is a much better welcome to the east end!

While I’m sure there are others that may deliver, this is the list I came up with based on my own personal experience and those I know around town.

YOU CANOLI IMAGINE THE CHANGE IN WAINSCOTT…. TAKE A PEEK! PLUS A TALE SO STUPID IT HAS TO BE TRUE!

Makeover Mangia!

If you’ve been through Wainscott lately,  you’ve probably noticed there’s a whole lot of something going on at the former location of Georgica and Saracen restaurants.   The location is now the home of Osteria Salina and the inside has been given face lift that would make Cher green with envy!  Its been a much needed change for the 130 year old building that was more recently the home of ruckus night clubs catering to the hard partying “bottle and banquette” crowd.    Instead neighbors now have a traditional Sicilian restaurant in one of the most charming locations around.   In fact, if you ask me it looks like they spent a pretty penne to make it look good!  Sorry for the pun.

The Georgica Room with a view!

The restaurant which was formally located on School Street in Bridgehampton has now been expanded by purveyor Tim Gaglio and his wife Cinzia (the chef) into a larger 225 seat venue overlooking Georgica Pond.   The menu will remain the same and feature old favorites like Charred Octopus, Polpette (amazing italian meatballs), Mezzi Rigitoni alla Siciliana, fresh seafood specials but with the addition of pizzas cooked in the brick oven that was a staple back when the restaurant was “Sapore di Mare.”     If you don’t remember back that far then you certainly don’t know the reason Route 27 is so close to the site!?  Well I’ll tell you, it’s owed to two feuding brothers, one who designed highways for the state and the other who owned a house in Wainscott!

Classic design meets chic renovation!

Well enough about the location, the food which comes with a Sicilian pedigree (Cinzia comes from a long line of Italian restauranteurs) that goes all the way back to Sorra Italy has been earning raves from local celebs like Billy Joel, Alan Alda and Howard Stern to name a few.   In fact, I bet next door neighbor Ron Perlman will soon swing by for some Bucatini con Sarde … the smells will get ’em and I heard he loves to walk everywhere!   There’s no doubt it will be attracting the same crowd plus a few new ones with the expanded dining room.   Osteria Salina will open it’s doors quietly this Thursday (5/21) night at 5pm and be open for business year round.   It’s a great addition to the area and if you have any doubt they’re aiming for a different crowd than the last establishment, stop by on Sunday’s from 1 to 9pm when they’ll be serving traditional Sophia Loren sized “family style” dinners.    If you want a reservation and my guess is your going to need them… check out the restaurant on OPENTABLE.COM

As any real estate on the east end will tell you, dealing with Summer rentals is never easy.    This Friday will no doubt too be another hair raising experience for agents all over as tenants start to move into their seasonal rentals.  Yes, I’ll soon be getting calls about defective toasters, noisy neighbors and even the occasional call asking for an address (write it down before you go out drinking).

Well it’s a few years later and now enough time has passed to tell a tale I from a few years ago when one tenant called me complaining about the wireless Internet.   I explained I wasn’t an expert but I would swing by and take a look.    Apparently the code for the wifi wasn’t working and I thought I’d give it a shot.  When I arrived I input the code and bing!  It worked!   What was the problem?   Well, when I gave them the code in the e mail I wrote “the password is case sensitive xyz.”  Yes, you got it… they wrote “CASE SENSITIVE” when inputting the code.  By the way, English was their first language and it was a $200k+ seasonal rental!    Only in the Hamptons!