East Hampton

2012 Hamptons… a year in P.U.review …. The worst of the worst!

Horatio:
Have after. To what issue will this
come?

Marcellus:
Something is rotten in the state of
Denmark.
Well Shakespeare could have been writing about the Hamptons in the year 2012.   Luckily there was no Mayan Apocalypse – much to the disappointment of the  History Channel – so it really wasn’t all that bad – but there were a few flops and misfortunate incidents that are worth mentioning.    Here they are in no particular order;

Hurricane Sandy, trouble in the end.

The LIPA response to Hurricane Sandy – Sure it was fun for the first night but when it came time to empty my refrigerator the fun had worn off… and I don’t think candlelight is much fun anymore after using it non-stop for two weeks.  Listen we know it was tough but at least give us some idea of when you think we’ll be back on the grid.  This way we make decisions as to where and how we are going to eat, live and watch Revenge on Netflix!

They look so friendly!

The Mitt Romney Fundraiser – So Ron Perleman decided to throw a little party for his friends and low and behold it turned into mass chaos with rumors of cheap booze, man on man kissing, water boarding and worst of all no Chex Mix! In case you don’t remember what happened, click here for a little recap. Now, I happen to have some inside scoop on the whole situation. Apparently it was all some big misunderstanding. The said protesters/crashers were actually just hoping to borrow some Grey Poupon. How embarrassing! I guess uber-rich people aren’t really as friendly as they appear in mustard commercials.

The Whole Foods Pop Up Store – What happens everyone waits with baited breathe for arguably one of the best stores around to open up in the Hamptons. Well if it was the Whole foods in Wainscott they will stay away in droves. Now, how did that happen!?!? Well, If you want my two cents… and apparently you do… I can sum it up in two words. SOVIET SUPERMARKET… there was nothing on the shelves and what little there was had a hefty price tag. Now, I love Whole Foods in the city but I’m not going to make a special trip to Wainscott just to buy their store brand of Cheerios! Hello! WHOLE FOODS, IF YOU’RE GOING TO DO IT… DO IT RIGHT! By the way, we love you, please come back and try again!?

 

Curbed Hamptons

The Yummylicious sign – sure the frozen treats may be yummy but the sign itself made the town of Sag Harbor look scummy!   Imagine if the makers of Hello Kitty decided to open up a brothel in the middle of the village.   Think about it!   You get the picture!  A few years ago they held fundraisers to preserve the Sag Harbor Cinema sign, now they need a fundraiser to buy Yummylicious a new sign.  Come to think of it, the name of that place bothers me too!

ATT Hamptons Cell Service –  NO!  I did not hang up on you I was just driving through Sagaponack…. or at my house…. or on the beach…. or in the Northwest woods…. or on Noyac Road… or… oh enough.    I don’t know if Verizon is any better but I’m getting tired of paying for an I phone that I primarily use as an Ipod!   But you know the good thing is I called ATT and they’re getting back to me on why I have such lousy reception.  Apparently it’s just me.    I just hope they don’t call me back on my cell phone!!

Stay tuned…. the best of 2012 next week!  I’ll probably even talk about where the market is going for real estate!

Something to chew on for Sag Harbor and East Hampton Rugby is in overtime

Bella!

Hi everyone, it feels good to be back.    I took a few months off (as I often do from this blog) and I promise I’ll be more consistent this time (I promised that before too).  So much has been going on but if I seem a bit blurry eyed, it’s mostly due to my puppy Bella.  Yes, I have a new dog since the passing of Boo.  But I have to say, that while she does look a lot like her older sister, she’s her own girl.  She’s full of spunk and quite the terror on my other dog poor Russell.  In fact, when we asked Russell what we should name her, he suggested Bu-jo (think Boo with Cujo).   So, if I’m a bit rambling here it’s because of my need for sleep.   I’ve been doing too many 2 am bathroom breaks.  Here she is!  Yeah, it’s actually easier when they’re cute!

 

A new tenant!

Well you might have already heard but the “Paradise Cafe” in Sag Harbor shuttered it’s doors a few months ago.   Apparently, negotiations to renew the lease went nowhere.    Luckily,  you can still enjoy Chef and owner Robert Durkin’s cuisine at “Robert’s”in Water Mill.   Well last night I ran into restaurateur Michael Gluckman who told me he’s going into the space that was Paradise right in the heart of Sag Harbor.    While I’m disappointed to see Paradise go, I’m happy to know  there will be something good going in it’s place.   Michael has always had solid restaurants that were reasonably priced with a great menu and good food.   I found his “Lodge” to be one East Hampton’s best watering holes with a diverse and satisfying menu, he tells me he’s hoping to do something similar here.

In the meantime, I’m hoping Paradise returns to Sag Harbor soon, I miss the Bolognese pasta, the best I’ve ever had and the Roast Chicken with Rosemary was sublime… wait I can’t say sublime, that sounds pretentious… It was AWESOME.   Better.   Anyway, maybe Paradise can go into the spot that was Phao in Sag Harbor,  because apparently twice wasn’t the charm and according to sources, they’re going the way of the 8-track tape.
Soon to be a collectors item!
OK, enough talking about food.  I’m getting hungry and I have to work out first.   If I don’t I won’t be able to fit into my Ralph Lauren Rugby shirts, which will soon be collectors items.    Yep, it’s true the Rugby brand will soon be no more.   I’m not sure why because the store in downtown Manhattan and the one in East Hampton were always packed.  But fear not lovers of the Earl of East Hampton (Ralph Lauren-he virtually owns EH  retail) my poorly placed sources have hinted that it will soon be a RL Home store.   I guess we’ll have to wait and see.
Finally, I hope I made up for a long, long, long absence from the blogosphere.   If I haven’t here’s one last bit of good advice, at STAPLES they’re selling cases of Pelligrino water for $4 a case!  Yes, $4 a case.  It’s an amazing deal.

Hamptons Hostility… If you miss the city don’t worry, there are plenty of unfriendly places here too!

I have an old friend named Hope, not that she’s old but I’ve known her forever. Anyway, she used to have this idea that New Yorkers are basically masochistic at heart.  They loved to be abused.  She often toyed with the idea of opening a restaurant named “Insults,”  where diners can come for a good meal and get insulted as they dine.  Now, I personally loved the idea, I knew it would be successful too!  I mean it took the term “home style” to the next level!  It was like a Saturday night at my house growing up!!!

Anyway, this theory explains why some of the most popular places on the East End are some of it’s most unfriendly!  So where, who , why?   Here is my list; THE TOP 5… Hostile Hamptons Hot Spots!!!

Normal people sit over there!   We will ignore you!

1) Navy Beach – Sure the views are great and the crowd is good looking but unless you’re hanging with Giselle or Kate Upton you can forget about getting decent service.   I went a few days ago with some of my middle aged friends, yeah the ones in their early 40’s and late 30’s.  We couldn’t get the waitress’ attention for anything.   The food came out sporadically, some had food others didn’t.  When we asked management, it was brought to our attention that the order was too confusing so it was our fault half of us weren’t being fed!   As for getting a second round of drinks, I would have been better off going to Gossman’s to get them.

2) Citarella East Hampton – “Excuse me mam’ if I could get a half pound of the Alpine Lace Low Fat Swiss.”  “Excuse me.. ?”   “Excuse me mam’?!”  “Can I get… (she cuts me off) “YEAH I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME.”   Charming!  But if only this were an isolated incident.   While the guys in the fish department are actually friendly, it doesn’t make up for the rest of the store.  I guess if you don’t enjoy your job, you’re not exactly smiling to the customers. There must be a lot of unhappy people at Citarella.

3) Goldberg’s Bagels (Southampton) –  To me the Goldberg’s in Southampton is last chance to get a cup of coffee before hitting the highway.  But yet, it’s nothing like going into the Bagdad Cafe.   It’s surly city with an exclamation point!!!   But unlike other establishments,  I know, I actually think I got a handle on why they’re not happy flipping their flagels!     It’s the fear of working too close to 27 and the terror they live with that a speeding BMW may one day careen off the highway and create a drive in window!   Meanwhile, if you go to Goldberg’s in East Hampton, FRIENDLY, FRIENDLY, FRIENDLY.   So I know my 27 theory must be the reason!

GROUND ZERO FOR HOSTILITY!

4) East Hampton Parking lot behind Walbaum’s – I know it’s not me but EVERYONE in that lot is nasty.  Perhaps the fact it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground has something to do with it!   It starts with the aggressive drivers and trickles right down to the overly aggressive “brownies” who are no doubt getting paid in Clearasil.  The biggest mystery to me is how it could be the nicest beach day of the year….  and that lot will still be packed!!!   WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE SHOPPING NOW!?!?  Do it in the city, it’s easier!  Perhaps the heart of the unfriendly is the actual Walbaum’s!   Everyone in this place is either annoyed or uninterested!  I never went to a Soviet grocery store during the cold war but I imagine it must have been a lot like this; long lines, hostile help and lousy produce… in my opinion anyway.

5) Pierre’s Cafe Bridgehampton – Do I really need to elaborate? It’s French!  I’m talking about the little walk in place next door to the restaurant.    It’s a little bit of Paris right in the heart of the Hamptons, “you stupid American!”

Hamptons Showdown Part 1… why, where and how much! And MANGIA in E. Hampton!

Well it’s that time of the year where you need to mark your calendars and your Marc Jacobs outfits to what weekend benefit you’re going to hit this coming summer.    If you ever saw that mini-series by Barbara Koppel “The Hamptons,”  you know it’s all about the benefits.  What you wear, who you’re seen with and what publication takes your picture!  Since there are so many benefits this summer, I’m going to break this into two parts this summer and give you the pluses the minuses of this summer’s benefits.

Kicking it all off on 5/26/12 is Miracle House Summer Kickoff – Miracle House is a non-profit extended stay facility that provides housing, counseling and support for those seeking treatment in NYC and need assistance.   The location is the Bridgehampton Surf an Tennis Club.. and this is a huge event.

While it started as an AIDS charity and therefore has a strong gay following,  it benefits everyone from young to old with any illness.  Tickets start at $300 and go up!

The best reason to go: Taylor Dayne will be performing live and it’s a ton of fun for a great cause.  Potential Reason to skip it:  Most of the “boys” will be better dressed than you and in better shape!

6/2/12
Southampton Fresh Air Home Sale and Auction Benefit Gala – Southampton FAH provides a camp experience for physically challenged youth with sailing, swimming, hiking, etc.   The benefit is held at their facility on
Barkers Island Road in Southampton  It’s one of the more mellow benefits of the season but it’s a who’s who’s mixer for everyone in Southampton.   Tickets once again go for $300 and up.

The best reason to go:  The furniture in the silent auction is amazing stuff… they’re are also great trips and everything from teeth whitening to fishing trips available! Potential reason to skip it:  The auction items here don’t go for TJ Maxx prices (it’s the Hamptons folks, people are generous) and the tooth whitening I won two years ago cost me like $20k after the dentist discovered my need for 3 root canals!

6/16/12
The Retreat – Artists Against Abuse – The Retreat is a safe house for victims of family violence in addition to conducting educational outreach programs that advocate non-violence.   It’s one of the more relaxed benefits of the summer and usually a great time!  The benefit will be held at the Ross School facilities on Butter Lane (same as last year). Tickets start at $150 for the pre-party and go up from there!

The best reason to go: The ART !  Hello everyone from Dan Rizzi (this year’s honoree) to April Gornick and Ross Bleckner have been featured at previous auctions.  The selection is amazing. Potential Reason to skip it:  Have you seen any work from Bob Ross of PBS fame? NO! Plus, add insult to injury, no potential fluorescent works to replace my Led Zepplin poster under the black lightt!!!

6/23/12
 American Heart Association’s Heart of the Hamptons – Widely recognized as a premier philanthropic and festive event in the Hamptons. The Heart of the Hamptons Ball has raised over $2.5 million for the American Heart Association since it began 15 years ago.   The event is held at the Hayground School in Bridgehampton on Mitchell’s Lane.  Tickets start at $500 and go up.

The best reason to go:  The Goody Bag is one of the best of the season!   Have you seen any wrinkles on my face lately!?  NO, that’s because I got this amazing moisturizer in last years bag!   Potential Reason to skip it:   Just because you devour every passed hors d’ourves at the cocktail hour doesn’t mean you have an inside track for winning those training sessions in the silent auction.  FAT ALARM!

Finally, according to their Faceboook page, the new and improved Red Horse Market is open for business!!! I’m totally psyched and once again Pasquale’s fresh home made mozzarella will be a staple for my summer dinner parties.   The hours according to the page are 6am to 9pm!  How cool, I don’t have to rush home from work to make a 6pm closing time!!  The phone is 631-324-9500 if you want more details! MANGIA!!!