Hamptons

ARE THE TICKS REALLY WORSE THIS YEAR?? … PLUS, WHEN GOOD STREETS GET BAD NAMES!

I’m sorry but I’m confused.   This past Winter sucked… tons of snow… tons of cold…. a loooooong winter and yet “the ticks are worse than ever!”   I thought if we had a cold winter then the tick population would be smaller.   They froze right?!  But now, I keep hearing the ticks are worse this year because we had a cold winter!  My head is hurting.  This is more head ache inducing than watching Madonna act…. the same bad actress who apparently doesn’t like paying taxes for her Hamptons spread!! Hmmmmmm.

PREVENTION !

But I digress, Recently I got an e mail from a Mr. Richard Feder from Fort Lee, NJ who writes.   “Dear Hamptons Chatter, So what’s the real deal on the ticks this year?   Which kind of tick just bit me?  Do I have Lyme disease or Lime disease? How do I remove a tick?   Is it really worse this year than last year?   What can I do to help keep ticks away?”     Well Mr. Feder, you ask a lot of gross questions that I don’t want to answer. So instead, I’m suggesting you go visit the University of Rhode Island’s website www.tickencounter.org.  There you’ll find the answers to everything you wanted to know about ticks that I found too gross to answer.   One thing they do say on the site is that it is indeed worse this year than last year because of the cold.  Uggghhhhh.  Anyway, from the site… some good advice for parents….

Another thing about the East End that I also find puzzling is the name of some of the streets out here. I mean it’s the Hamptons!   Shouldn’t all the streets have beautiful and idyllic names?   Well that’s my point.   If you’re a home owner on one of these following streets, I suggest you get together with your neighbors and push for a name change.   Not only might it help improve property values, it might also look a lot better on your next holiday card’s return address.    In no particular order by the way here are some streets that could benefit from a name change.*

Prime location… questionable name!

Swamp Road -EH- As my friend Bill Mccuddy says, “only in the Hamptons will people pay $2 million to live on a road called Swamp.”     My suggestion is to rename this Cedar Vista Way.    Isn’t that better?!

Widow Gavits Road -Sag Harbor- OMG… really?   So sad.   How about we call it, “New Chapter Lane.”   I mean no disrespect to Mr. Gavits but don’t you think it’s time she moves on?

You named a street after him?

Van Houton Street – Southampton (Riverhead) – They named a street after Millhouse?  The geeky kid?!  How about Bart Boulevard instead.  It still has that comic appeal but less nerdy!

Mount Misery – Sag Harbor – Put on the Barry Manilow albums and get me a razor blade!  It’s actually a really nice street and close to Sag Harbor Village  But oh that name!!   So what to do? Let’s rename it Fallon Way… after Jimmy Fallon!  My favorite Hamptons celebrity who seems to always be happy and friendly to everyone!  OK, how do we start this petition!?

Dead Trail – Southampton – It’s located right off of Bridies path…. so why not call it Groomies path? Everyone loves a bride and groom.  It’s a good location and surrounded by trees but what a bummer of a name.  Although it’s a perfect location during Halloween!  Insert scary laugh here!

*not sure if it will really help values but hopefully you got a good chuckle.

THE BRITISH ARE COMING… THE ROYAL ONES!!!! ALSO, THE POLLEN ISALREADY HERE!

The royal formerly known as Prince William, now known as Kate Middleton’s husband is apparently planning to bring his Windsor brood to spend their summer in the Hamptons!   I know!  I know!   I’m as excited as the next Anglophile!    According to the rarely reliable OK magazine, the two have already rented a large estate to rub elbows with the likes of Spielberg and Martha.    According to palace “sources” they have always wanted to come here so George and Charlotte can “enjoy the sea and the sunshine.”   It sounds reasonable to me, so ignore those wet blankets over at Gossip Cop that are calling this report complete b*##*#$@!     In fact, I have a few suggestions for the royals when they take that leap across the pond.   I know William will find it here on Hamptons Chatter next time he googles his name in a exhausted or drunken stupor!

Calls to Buckingham palace have not been returned!
Hi William, hopefully you didn’t buy that estate yet and you’ll be calling me as your agent in the near future.   Why will you call me?  Well after you enjoy these five awesome suggestions I have for you when visiting the Hamptons, you’ll know I’m your go to man!
Cyril’s:  Will, it’s the best people watching in the Hamptons and the location overlooking scenic route 27 is fit for a King, which you should be next IMHO!   Make sure to order two BBCs (don’t ask just drink) and Kate will be macking on you like you’re that lead singer guy from One Direction!

Home Goods:   Who doesn’t love a bargain!?   You and Kate can stock the estate with fresh linen and towels and even those nifty plastic margarita glasses without paying a kings ransom!  Not that I hope Charles gets kidnapped and you become King… but if that happens… NO PROBLEMO!  You’ll be saving a bundle and have the cash as your “HOME GOODS HAPPY.”

The Essence of cool!

The Giant Duck:   OK, it’s actually NOT in the Hamptons but it’s a GIANT DUCK! Hello!?  How cool is that!?

Martha Stewart’s House:    She lives in town and if you give me a call, I’m happy to share her address.  Just go over, she loves drop by guests!   She’ll help Kate use local flowers to make the most amazing table centerpieces and her fresh lemonade is to die for… really!   Just go!  Tell her I said it was OK.
The American Hotel:   A Hamptons institution where you can spot an occasional celebrity and enjoy scenic Sag Harbor.  Another plus is they now have hooks under the bar for Kate’s purse.    One final suggestion; I would wait till HRH Elizabeth II comes to town and bring her, she will actually be one of the younger folks at the bar, which will make her feel good.    You’ll all have a blast!
Finally, when you come to town Will… can I call you Will?… make sure to bring some good allergy medicine because it is apparently ….”POLLENGEDDON” out here right now!   Pools are green, cars are green, windows are green and my poor dog Bella is green… and it’s not easy!     So, luckily I have two quick ideas you can follow to help make breathing easier here on the east end.   Try small doses of some local honey, apparently it will help you build a resistance to the pollen since the local bees use the same pollen to make the sweet stuff!   You can also try showering more frequently, apparently the pollen sticks to your skin and hair more than you realize.   So stop breathing all that dead epidermis and pollen and take a shower.  If all else fails, head to CVS and get some Claritan and make sure to register for the frequent shopper points!

HATE CROWDS? NO RESERVATIONS?! NO PROBLEM!! A QUICK GUIDE TO HAMPTONS DELIVERY!

One of the things I like least about summer in the Hamptons is the crowds.   While I’m not an agoraphobic, the idea of dealing with traffic and pushy patrons is sometimes more than I can handle. Besides, I get extreme guilt leaving my dogs behind… because they like to party as much as the next animal.  So, unlike NYC where you can have a cup of coffee delivered for free, finding door to door service out east is a little more difficult.   Virtually nobody delivers in the Hamptons. I know White’s Pharmacy delivers… but cough drops and Metamucil don’t quite satisfy my hunger like they should.   What do you do when your cupboards are bare, traffic is backed up and everybody is hungry?   Well, here’s the skinny on getting chubby without leaving home…..

There are two.. repeat only TWO Chinese restaurants that I think are worth the weight in MSG. Number 1 (631-726-8080) in Water Mill and Pheonix in Wainscott (631-537-0011).    There are a few others in the area but one of them actually has Immodium on the menu which to me is a big red flag…OK I’m kidding.   While my two recommendations aren’t exactly Shun Lee or Mr. Chow’s, they’re both good, hearty and reasonably priced.  My personal favorites are the “scallion pancakes” at Pheonix and the “spicy chicken and broccoli” at #1.    Both are the best Chinese delivery in the HAMPTONS!  Although, that’s kind of like saying it’s the friendliest restaurant in France.

When it’ comes to Pizza. There are no Domino’s in the Hamptons. Which is a good thing. But darn it, why is it so hard to get a pizza brought to your door on a rainy Saturday night!?   Well there are only a few choices for delivery pizza at a good price.  In Montauk, you have Sausages (631-668-1144) .. In Bridgehampton there’s American Pie (631-613-6177) in the Commons and Southampton has Paul’s (631-283-1861) and Melrose East.   In East Hampton you have Pizza and Things Spring’s Pizza. Customers like it for their reasonable prices, friendly staff and fresh ingredients (631) 324-7974.

Also in East Hampton, the Red Horse Market will deliver groceries or prepared foods with a $100 minimum purchase.  I’m pretty sure you can get them to bring one of their pizzas to the door as well.  By the way, throw a fresh mozzarella in there for good measure and melt some extra on the pie.

If you’re looking for something a little more exotic you can try Saaz in Southampton.    They deliver and according to some, they’ll go all the way to East Hampton.    That’s a good thing too since the New York Times raved the food is “uniformly excellent… a long overdue addition to Hamptons dining.”     Saaz – (631) 259-2222 – is located just as you come into Southampton on CR 39 at the former site of Mason Ole  – where Montezuma always got his revenge!      Saaz is a much better welcome to the east end!

While I’m sure there are others that may deliver, this is the list I came up with based on my own personal experience and those I know around town.

RECON FROM THE NEW HOME GOODS… SAG GYM IS OPEN AGAIN!

Lighting the Hamptons one lamp at a time!

Wainscott, the land of quarries and Speedway Stations has two new things to actually brag about.     The opening of the new Home Goods and the arrival of Osteria Salina at the former site of Georgica Restaurant and night club.  I’ll have more on the restaurant tomorrow!

After lots of moaning and complaining, Home Goods has finally arrived at it’s new location at 368 Montauk Highway. The newly constructed building drew some fire from local officials and some residents for it’s hulking size and close proximity to the road.   But after all the fears and wolf crying, the Hamptons have survived the opening and from the reaction of the crowds it’s a big improvement over what was an abandoned car dealership.   The cedar shake building which is lushly landscaped opened it’s doors Sunday and it was packed to the rafters.
See I’m not kidding!

 

So why was it so crowded?   Well the discounted purveyor of all things domestic featured everything from Pratesi sheets to Baccrat and Waterford wine glasses at around 50% off of normal retail prices. They also have a good collection of linens and even some furniture and rugs.   Yes, the Hamptons may be considered a land of excess but that doesn’t mean they don’t like a good bargain here on the east end.     I really believe this will be good for all the business owners in the area since it will attract folks who normally wouldn’t travel to Wainscott to shop.   The more the merrier and the more cash for everyone who buys lunch, doesn’t find the right sofa, needs a new bed or has been wanting to get some new blinds!Meanwhile, after about a month the gym in Sag Harbor is open once again.   It’s cleaner, lighter and has a slew of fancy new lockers.    While much of the old equipment has returned, the fresh coat of paint and what I guess was a really good cleaning has actually made a difference.    The gym has never looked better and the towels are new too!    If you don’t believe me… see for yourselves!   By the way, don’t get confused, the entrance has moved to the center of the building and there’s a fancy new reception desk as well.